Emily

9 lessons I’ve learned from 10 years in a relationship

Life / /

My wife and I celebrated our 10th anniversary this month, and as a gift, I made a little scrapbook of our first 10 years together.

Looking at our first photos—the scraggly, 25-year-old me beaming next to my then-girlfriend—I thought to myself, wow, Emily, you were so clueless.

I spent this month thinking about what makes a relationship work and grow, and what I learned through my own experience.

I came up with a list of 9 lessons I’ve learned from 10 years in a relationship:

1. Ego is the cause of most relationship problems

If I had known the power of humility when I was 25 years old, I would have saved myself years of trouble.

Almost all relationship problems are solved with a genuine I see where you’re coming from. I would feel the same way if I were you. I was wrong. I’m sorry.

It took me a while to feel comfortable saying sorry, but I say it all the time now. It’s great. I say sorry almost too much. (I say almost because every once in a while, when the wind blows in from the east and the sun is shining just so, I’m not completely wrong.)

2. Listen like a best friend

Our partner is supposed to be our best friend. And best friends are inherently good listeners: comforting, helpful, and quick to take our side while also trying to be objective.

We do this too in our romantic relationships. When your partner is venting, you listen like a best friend. You validate their right to be irritated about the crap they had to deal with that day. You throw in a few well-timed hmms and reassuring touches. You describe a similar experience you’ve had so they don’t feel so alone.

But what if the reason your partner is frustrated is because of you?

It’s here where listening and camaraderie are replaced with defensiveness and rebuttals. At least that’s how it was for me. The more I was confronted with my bullshit, the louder the voice in my head screamed that she was ridiculous and harsh.

But, of course, it was me who was ridiculous and harsh, because I wasn’t listening.

Chances are good that your partner isn’t trying to fight. Chances are good they simply want to express a valid feeling to the person they rightfully expect to feel comfortable expressing it to.

Listening like a best friend to your partner’s frustrations even when they’re about you can feel impossible. But it just takes practice. I would know, I’ve had years of it. Courtney has had to have plenty of tough conversations with me about taking accountability, being on time, not staring at people, etc. And I’m grateful for this because it means she cares.

Again, it’s not easy, but it’s what a best friend would do.

3. The 100/0 Rule

This may sound extreme, but a relationship is not 50/50.

A relationship is 100/0.

You have to give everything and expect nothing. It’s the only way.

4. Disagreements are inevitable, arguments are optional

One day at work about 8 years ago, I was talking to a coworker I looked up to and wanted his advice.

“You know how when you’re arguing with someone and—” 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he laughed, putting his hands up. “ I don’t argue with anyone.”

I immediately wanted to argue with him. How can you go through life without arguing? Wasn’t that part of it?

Instead of voicing my confusion, I asked him what he meant.

“It’s simple,” he smiled. “I just don’t argue.”

“But what if you disagree with someone?”

He shrugged. “Then I disagree. Look, if I’m open to hearing what someone has to say, I’ll listen. But—and here’s the important part—before I jump into what I want to say, I first ask them if they’re willing to listen. If they are, cool. If they’re not, no problem. At least I didn’t waste my time talking in vain.”

This was the wildest thing I’d ever heard in my life. 

It was also a huge relief: I never have to argue with anyone again!

Who would have thought you could simply state your point, let the other person state theirs, and do this back and forth without raising your voice or becoming frustrated?

Arguing can feel natural, but it’s not. What’s natural is cooperation. What’s natural is finding common ground for the common good.

5. Yes! as a default response

In 10 years, there’s been maybe a handful of times (mostly at the beginning of our relationship, mostly involving hiking) that I’ve said no to something Courtney wanted to do together. 

Whenever she asks if I want to do something with her, my response is almost always yes! Even if I don’t have much interest in it, I say yes. And I try to be enthusiastic about it.

Want to go to the grocery store together? Hell yeah. Want to work on a 1,000-piece puzzle? Ab-so-fruitly. Want to re-re-redecorate the bathroom because the decorations have become stale and the wall color is boring and don’t I agree? The…ohhh yes, right, the wall color. Bathroom. Boring for sure. I definitely noticed. Let’s do it!

I do this for two reasons: Because I love hanging out with her and because life is offensively short. At the end of my life, whether today or tomorrow or 80 years from now, I know that I will give anything for one more car ride, one more evening routine, one more anything with her. I try my best to remember that and live by it.

6. Conserve your energy

The other day, Courtney and I were watching a show where this engaged couple was in a heated discussion, trying to get on the same page. It ended when the guy walked away saying, “I don’t have the energy for this.” All I could think was, Bro, what the hell else are you using your energy for?

Most of what we do is inessential, and we drain precious time and energy doing it.

You had the energy to follow sports updates and bet on the games, but none for a meaningful conversation with your partner? C’mon. You followed breaking news and now you’re too frazzled to greet your partner with a smile when they get home? That’s not fair.

I used to misplace my attention like this all the time. No one I knew was further along in Candy Crush than me (making me a winner and a loser at the same time).

Once I learned how to ruthlessly eliminate the inessential and be still, I grew as a person and partner.

7. Keep it playful

It’s not that serious. Be goofy and silly together. Laugh at yourself. I swear I never laugh harder than when Courtney roasts me. I even write down her roasts of me on notecards and read them later when I want a good laugh.

8. Follow through

If you say you’re going to do something, do it. And if there’s a chance you might not do it, don’t say you’re going to. Better still: just do the thing and don’t talk about it.

9. Fill your home with virtue

I almost didn’t include this one because it sounds kind of corny, but I decided it’s too important to leave out: a house filled with virtue is more beautiful than a house filled with gold.

Selflessness, transparency, honesty, laughter, spontaneity, routine, love, calm, kindness, acceptance, patience—fill your house with these things and you will have the most beautiful, joyful dwelling in the whole world. You’ll have the most beautiful, joyful relationship too.

Books read this month:

-My dad gave me his copy of A Confession by Leo Tolstoy and it’s one of the best books I’ve read. It’s answered some of the questions I’ve had for years about religion and faith. If you’re even a little curious, it’s well worth the read. And if you haven’t read his A Calendar of Wisdom, you need to!

–On Writing by C.S. Lewis. A compilation of writing advice from one of the best. My biggest takeaway: reading a book just to get to the end is vulgar. The whole point is to enjoy the book as you read. I thought about this the other day when Courtney and I planned to go for a hike and then go out to eat afterward. I was excited, but mostly about the food part. The hike was something to get through. Lewis would call this vulgarity. By thinking of food as the payoff, I was thinking about, well, the payoff. But thinking about a payoff cheapens life. There is no eventual payoff. The payoff is this moment, right now. Besides, everything we do—the stuff we like and dislike—it all passes by anyway. We’re here for a short time and then the lights go out. Don’t wish away a second of life by anticipating something else. There is no something else. This is it. Don’t forget to live.

-I first read Keep Going in 2021 and I decided to read it again because I love Austin Kleon. He posts his work on social media every day—a journal entry or a collage or a pile of vinyl records he melted in the sun—the message being that’s important to create for its own sake. He recently inspired me to start a collage journal of my own and I’m having a lot of fun with it.

–William Blake vs. The World by John Higgs. I knew nothing about William Blake before reading this, and WOW, what a phenomenal book. Tons of thought-provoking ideas on imagination. I especially loved the parts about human perception and how, outside of the human mind, we have no idea what the universe looks like. Whoa.

–David Sedaris Diaries: A Visual Compendium by David Sedaris. I’ve been a fan of David Sedaris for about 20 years now and decided to give his mostly visual book a read. I LOVED it. If you get inspired by looking through people’s journals and diaries like I do, you will love it. It’s a compilation of pictures of and passages from the diaries he’s kept throughout his life. I was inspired by the way he finds trash on the street and turns it into art. Or turns it into nothing and simply binds it in his diary as is. Because he realized, he explains, that when he sat down at his desk to write in his diary, “I could really do whatever the f— I wanted.”

Printing and binding my writing

Creativity / /

One of my favorite things is printing out and reading my work. It’s a way to physically interact with what I’ve written. I can take the bound copy anywhere, highlight and jot notes—just like I do when I’m reading a book.

Kevin Kelly’s Best Quotes from Excellent Advice for Living

Reading / /

“Don’t be the best, be the only.”

“If your opinions on one subject can be predicted from your opinions on another, you may be in the grip of an ideology. When you truly think for yourself, your conclusions will not be predictable.”

“The greatest breakthroughs are missed because they look like really hard work.”

“If you can’t tell what you desperately need, it’s probably sleep.”

“To rapidly reveal the true character of a person you just met, observe them stuck on an abysmally slow internet connection.”

“The best way to advise young people is to find out what they really want to do and then advise them to do it.”

“Don’t define yourself by your opinions, because then you can’t change your mind. Define yourself by your values.”

“You are only as young as the last time you changed your mind.”

“You don’t need more time because you already have all the time that you will ever get; you need more focus.”

“If you’re not embarrassed by your past self, you have probably not grown up yet.”

“Perhaps the most counterintuitive truth of the universe is that the more you give to others, the more you’ll get. Understanding this is the beginning of wisdom.” 

“If you are not falling down occasionally, you are just coasting.”

“Make others feel they are important; it will make their day and it will make your day.”

“Expand your mind by thinking with your feet on a walk or with your hand in a notebook. Think outside your brain.” 

“If you ask for someone’s feedback, you’ll get a critic. But if you ask for someone’s advice, you’ll get a partner.”

“Whenever you can’t decide which path to take, pick the one that produces change.”

“Make others feel they are important; it will make their day and it will make your day.” 

“The best way to learn anything is to teach what you know.” 

“The more you leave behind, the further you will advance.”

“Being enthusiastic is worth 25 IQ points.”

“Listening well is a superpower. While listening to someone you love, keep asking them, ‘Is there more?’ until there is no more.”

“Your passions should fit you exactly, but your purpose in life should exceed you. Work for something much larger than yourself.”

“Experiences are fun, and having influence is rewarding, but only mattering makes us happy. Do stuff that matters.”

“The consistency of your endeavors (exercise, companionship, work) is more important than the quality. Nothing beats small things done every day, which is way more important than what you do occasionally.”

“What you do on your bad days matters more than what you do on your good days.”

“Make stuff that is good for people to have.”

“It is your destiny to work on things that only you can do.”

“You cannot get smart people to work extremely hard just for money.”

“Half the skill of being educated is learning what you can ignore.”

“Most articles and stories are improved significantly if you delete the first page of the manuscript. Start with the action.”

Advice on investing but also life: “Average returns, maintained for above-average periods of time, will yield extraordinary results.

“Occasionally your first idea is best, but usually it’s the fifth idea. You need to get all the obvious ideas out of the way. Try to surprise yourself.”

“Don’t bother fighting the old, just build the new.”

“Do more of what looks like work to others but is play for you.”

“The stronger your beliefs, the stronger your reasons to question them regularly. Don’t simply believe everything you think you believe.”

“The trick to making wise decisions is to evaluate your choices as if you were looking back 25 years from today. What would your future self think?” 

“To be interesting, just tell your own story with uncommon honesty.” 

“The main reason to produce something every day is that you must throw away a lot of good work to reach the great stuff. To let it all go easily, you need to be convinced that there is ‘more where that came from.’ You get that in steady production.”

“To get your message across, follow this formula used by ad writers everywhere: simplify, simplify, simplify, then exaggerate.

“Mastering the view through the eyes of others will unlock so many doors.” 

“To meditate, sit and pay attention to your breathing. Your mind will wander to thoughts. Then you bring your attention back to your breathing, where it can’t think. Wander. Retreat. Keep returning to breath, no thoughts. That is all.” 

“Five years from now you will wish you had started today.”

“To have a great trip, head toward an interest rather than to a place. Travel to passions rather than destinations.”

“It is impossible for you to become poor by giving. It is impossible for you to become wealthy without giving.”

“Try hard to solicit constructive criticism early. You want to hear what’s not working as soon as possible. When it is finished you can’t improve it.”

“There is no perfection, only progress. Done is much better than perfect.”

“Even if you don’t say anything, if you listen carefully, people will consider you a great conversationalist.”

“Art before laundry.”

“To succeed once, focus on the outcome; to keep succeeding, focus on the process that makes the outcome.”

“Being curious about another person’s view is the most powerful way to change their view.”

“If your sense of responsibility is not expanding as you grow, you are not really growing.”

“To write about something hard to explain, write a detailed letter to a friend about why it is so hard to explain, and then remove the initial “Dear Friend” part and you’ll have a great first draft.”

“Embrace pronoia, which is the opposite of paranoia. Choose to believe that the entire universe is conspiring behind your back to make you a success.”5

“The first step is usually to complete the last step. You can’t load into a full dish rack.”

“Re-visioning the ordinary is what art, literature, and comedy do. You can elevate mundane details into magical wonders simply by noticing them.”

“The chief prevention against getting old is to remain astonished.”

“Very few regrets in life are about what you did. Almost all are about what you didn’t do.”

The best 9 books I read this year

Favorite Books, Reading / /

My reading goal this year was 5 books a month. I’m not sure why I chose 5. Probably because I knew I could do it but I’d have to stretch myself.

Reading 5 books a month wasn’t exactly easy, but it wasn’t the blood, sweat, and tears I thought it’d be. I only read what interested me. And I made a few tweaks to my routine so I could spend more time reading, but not feel like I was reading all the time.

Here are some things that helped me hit my goal:

1. Having reasons for reading. My reasons were my biggest ally in keeping me going.

2. Reading 2-3 books at a time. I realized that just because I wasn’t in the mood to read a book, didn’t mean I wasn’t in the mood to read any book.

3. Getting up an hour early to read.

4. Quitting books that weren’t holding my interest. (If I sensed my disinterest was because I wasn’t in the right headspace, I’d come back to it a few weeks or months later.)

5. Reading for 30 minutes to an hour before bed.

6. Varying the book length. If I was reading 2 or 3 longer books one month, I’d squeeze 2 or 3 shorter ones in the peripherals.

7. Consistently growing my personal library. As soon as I finished one book, I’d start another the same day.

I’ve found that I get the most out of reading when I go back through a book and take notes. It’s a simple process: after I read a book, I set it aside for a few weeks. Then, I’ll come back to it, read through the parts I underlined or highlighted, and if there is something that I still think, after a few weeks, is especially interesting, I’ll copy the quote/passage/idea/anecdote/insight onto a notecard.

These notecards are the building blocks of these emails. More importantly, they’re the building blocks of my understanding of the world. So even if I didn’t write, I would still go back through each book and take notes. Why? Because I can’t and wouldn’t want to remember everything I read. But if I can grab a few nuggets of wisdom from each book, if I can write down the insights, if I can keep them close to me and use them to grow as a person…well, other than hanging out with family, I can’t think of a better use of my time.

Anyway, I made a list of my favorite books I read this year. I feel like it’s cliche to say that it was tough to narrow down the list, but it’s true, so I’ll say it: it was tough to narrow down the list.

If I had to pick 9* books (I couldn’t whittle it down further than 9) that I got the most out of, it would be these:

1. How To Be a Stoic by Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, and Seneca

Made up of a few chapters from 3 of my favorite books on Stoicism—Enchiridion, On the Shortness of Life, and Meditations—this book helped me come to a breakthrough during a frustrating time. Commit once and for all.

2. Novelist as a Vocation by Haruki Murakami

I didn’t realize how much I got from this book until—no surprise—I went back through it to take notes. Murakami lays out his writing career: how and why he got started, what’s worth caring about, how he gets ideas for his novels, how he writes his novels, and how he balances life and writing. I took so many notes and lessons. If you’re a writer, read this book.

3. The Daily Pressfield by Steven Pressfield

A 365, one-page-a-day guide to take you from step one of your project to, and through, the finish line. (I read it straight through though—no way was I waiting a year to get to the end.) It’s a distillation of the best advice from Pressfield’s books, podcasts, newsletters, blogs, workshops, interviews, stories, and emails. There’s new writing as well for context and clarity. I just love Steven Pressfield. His writing is straightforward, self-deprecating, kind, and encouraging. At the same time, his message is DEEP and spiritual. If you do any kind of creative work, you’ll want to read this and the rest of his books.

4. How to Think More Effectively by The School of Life & Alain de Botton

A short book that I got a lot out of. A favorite: change the word envy to admire.

5. Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson

I was hesitant to read this because I wasn’t sure how transparent it would be. But then I saw that Isaacson referred to Musk as a man-child, and I dove right in. Wow…this is one of the best books I’ve read this year. It made me see Musk in a new light. It’s a long book but with the pictures at the beginning of each short chapter, you’ll fly through it. Add the personal and international drama, plots, subplots, lessons, and an inside look at Elon Musk and what drives him, and you get an incredibly difficult book to put down.

6. Zen in the Art of Writing by Ray Bradbury

I chanced upon this book in a used bookstore and wow. I’m not sure how I hadn’t heard of this book before. A gem of writing advice from the master himself.

7. Lessons From an American Stoic: How Emerson Can Change Your Life by Mark Matousek

I had a revelation of sorts while reading this. Specifically, the part on Transcendentalism. Matousek describes Transcendentalism as a spiritual rebellion against religious establishments with hierarchical, sexist natures. Its aim is a more direct relationship with God. It “teaches that spiritual intermediaries are unnecessary for maintaining a close connection with God.” Wow. I finally have a name for something I’ve long felt but could not put into words. I’m eager to learn more about Transcendentalism and very grateful to have found this book.

8. Going Infinite by Michael Lewis

This was the first Michael Lewis book I’ve read, and I’ve since bought a few more. This dude is hilarious. In Going Infinite, he tells the story of the aloof, bankrupt FTX founder, Sam Bankman-Fried. Lewis’s descriptions of Sam are gold. For instance, when Sam was placed on house arrest, his parents bought a guard dog from Germany that could kill on command. The only people who knew the command were his parents. Sam didn’t care to know the command because he didn’t care to know much of anything outside of his businesses. That he lived in his own world would be an understatement. As Lewis writes, “It would be very Sam Bankman-Fried-like to be killed by his own guard dog.” This book made me laugh and was a pleasure to read.

9. The Splendid and the Vile: A Saga of Churchill, Family, and Defiance During the Blitz by Erik Larson

It’s incredible how calm, with literal bombs dropping all around them, these people were. Their calm inspired my own; while in the thralls of this book, I distinctly remember a noticeable absence in place of the tension I normally felt in my chest at the sight of an “urgent” email. The best thing that I got from this book though was in the Sources and Acknowledgments section at the end. Larson tells us why he decided to add another book about Winston Churchill to the public collection, what he was curious about himself, and how he made this Churchill book different from all the rest.

Here are some others that I read for the first time that I especially loved:

The Gift of Fear by Gavin de Becker

The Creative Act: A Way of Being by Rick Rubin

From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks

An Emotional Education by The School of Life & Alain de Botton

A Moveable Feast by Ernest Hemingway

Painting As a Pastime by Winston Churchill

The Bed of Procrustes: Philosophical and Practical Aphorisms by Nassim Nicholas Taleb

The Consolations of Philosophy by Alain De Botton

A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller

The Book of Charlie: Wisdom from the Remarkable American Life of a 109-Year-Old Man by David Von Drehle

In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Feynman’s Rainbow by Leonard Mlodinow

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty

Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed

An Emotional Education by The School of Life & Alain de Botton

The Pocket Epicurean by John Sellars

How to Have a Life: An Ancient Guide to Using Our Time Wisely by Seneca

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

Killers of the Flower Moon by David Grann

What I Talk About When I Talk About Running by Haruki Murakami

Dead Wake by Erik Larson

The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson

Same as Ever by Morgan Housel

*Note: the 9 best books list doesn’t include 3 of my favorite books that I reread this year: Ego is the Enemy & The Obstacle is The Way by Ryan Holiday and Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

Commit once and for all

Life, Philosophy / /

About a month ago, a new policy was announced at work.

It wasn’t anything crazy, but I was annoyed, and I complained to Courtney and my parents. The more I thought about it, the more miserable I made myself.

A few weeks later, I was notating Epictetus’s Enchiridion.

“You want to win at the Olympics? So do I—who doesn’t?” Epictetus said to a student. But before you jump in, reflect on what that entails: you’ll need to adopt a strict diet, a brutal exercise regimen, and submit completely to a trainer. Your ankles will likely swell. You’ll sustain injuries and swallow mouthfuls of sand. Oh and after all that you still might lose.

If, after considering everything you’ll have to do, you still want to be an Olympian…then do it wholeheartedly, he said. Don’t pause to think about it or you will end up jumping from one infatuation to the next. You’ll be like a child; one day they want to be a gladiator, the next day a musician, the next an actor, and so on. Give your pursuit sincere attention and commit with all your heart.

He then applies this lesson to life.

You claim to want serenity and freedom and peace, but are you willing to pay the price? Are you willing to change the way you eat and drink? Are you willing to put up with nights of pain? To be criticized? To forfeit status and power? Willing to moderate your desires and aversions? To be okay with getting the small end of the stick in even the tiniest matters? In a word, are you willing to live as a philosopher?

If you’re unwilling, don’t go near it, he says. Walk away. You can’t be a philosopher one day and someone else the next. You can only be one person. Make your decision, and commit once and for all.

This struck me with a force that’s hard to describe.

You say you want freedom, yet here you are, troubled.

Commit once and for all.

Every day the next week, I wrote, “Commit once and for all” on the back of my hand. I took a thick, black Expo marker and scrawled the phrase on the bathroom mirror. I needed reminders. I had been using philosophy in some parts of my life, but clearly not in others. 

One of my favorite passages from Epictetus is where he says if people truly grasped how short life is, they would never entertain miserable thoughts. He didn’t say they would never entertain a miserable thought unless something seemed unfair, or unless a situation felt overwhelming, or unless someone pissed them off. They just wouldn’t entertain those thoughts, period.

It’s important to note that he wasn’t talking about negative thinking, which we know can be used, paradoxically, to increase positivity. He was talking about thoughts that do nothing but make you feel miserable.

Epictetus spent the first 30 years of his life as a slave. One day, his master, feeling especially cruel, grabbed Epictetus’s leg and began to twist it. “If you keep doing that,” Epictetus told him, “you’re going to snap it.” The master kept twisting. Epictetus’s leg snapped. “See,” Epictetus said calmly. “I told you that would happen.” 

It’s not that Epictetus didn’t feel pain. Of course he did. But his philosophy said things outside of his control could not harm him. That his leg is broken? That is objectively true. That he’s harmed by it? That was up to him. And his commitment to his philosophy was greater than his broken leg. 

Seneca had a respiratory illness that sometimes made it hard to breathe. When it flared, he would spend days in bed, in a state of near suffocation. Writing about these experiences to his friend Lucilius, Seneca said that even though his body was in anguish, his mind was at ease. “Even while suffocating,” he reflected, “I did not stop resting serenely in brave and cheerful thoughts.” The Epicurean philosopher, Epicurus, was in excruciating pain on what he knew would be (and was) his last day on earth. Still, he wrote that he felt a “gladness of mind” by recalling pleasant memories of conversations with friends.

Like Epictetus, Seneca and Epicurus were not immune to pain. In fact, their empathetic natures probably amplified their pain at times. But here they were, nearly suffocating and dying, still committed to their philosophy, still not letting outside things harm them, still feeling “gladness of mind”. Not in a “toxic positivity” way—they weren’t smiling and saying, ‘Aw gee, shucks, isn’t this great?’—but in the contented way that comes from soberly processing negative emotions and calmly accepting what they could not control.

These were people who were committed. This is who they were; the situation wouldn’t change them.

Commit once and for all. This was my wake-up call and a reminder that I can’t pick and choose where I use philosophy. Like an Olympic athlete, I must be totally committed. 

So a policy changed at work? And? Why are you thinking about it now anyway?  It doesn’t take effect until next year. Besides, think of how lucky you are to have this job and the wonderful people you’ve met because of it.

You’ll find a way to use this to your advantage. You’ll see it’s for the best.

P.S. It turns out the new policy won’t change things that much. This brings to mind another stoic principle I had disregarded: don’t suffer before it’s necessary or you’ll suffer more than is necessary. But more on that another time.

P.P.S. Courtney woke up to my mirror reminder. She sent me this pic while I was at work, saying it had scared the shit out of her.

Books Read

-I loved The Devil in the White City by Erik Larson. It’s a story about the Chicago World’s Fair, the architects who built it, and the serial killer who used it to lure his victims. What makes it even creepier is that it’s true.

–How To Do the Right Thing by Seneca was great. It’s part of the Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers series, a collection of books that take individual philosophers’ works and piece together writings on a narrow topic. Other books of theirs I’ve enjoyed: How to Be Free, How to Keep Your Cool, How to Be a Leader,How to Be a Bad Emperor, How to Give, How to Be Content.

-I loved Morgan Housel’s The Psychology of Money, so I preordered and read his newest book Same as Ever, a collection of stories about what doesn’t change. I found some great reminders: the better story wins, risk is what you don’t see, the magic of compounding. Other topics that made me think: the importance of imperfection, the short lifespan of competitive advantage, and the simplicity of most things (and how and why we complicate them).

-I was hesitant to read Elon Musk by Walter Isaacson because I wasn’t sure how transparent it would be. But then I saw that Isaacson referred to Musk as a man-child, and I dove right in. Wow…this is one of the best books I’ve read this year. It’s an up-close view of how one of the most wildly successful entrepreneurs operates and makes decisions. It made me see Musk in a new light. I had a hard time putting it down. A very hard time. The short chapters and loads of pictures made it a fast read too. I didn’t want it to end.

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